It’s Friday! Labor Day weekend is here, which means summer is officially entering its final lap, and I’d like to file a formal complaint. I’m not ready for this shit. We waited all winter for warm weather, survived the cold, snow, ice, gray skies, and general bullshit that comes with Illinois winter, and now summer decides to finally show up?

Labor Day is supposed to be the unofficial end of summer, but I strongly object to the “end” part. I’m perfectly happy with the heat, the long days, the sunshine, the car shows, outdoor cruising, sitting outside with a cold drink, and being able to walk out the front door without immediately questioning every life decision that led me to living in a place where the air hurts my face.

And now we’re supposed to start thinking about fall.

No.

I don’t want colorful leaves. I don’t want chilly mornings. I don’t want darkness showing up before dinner. I don’t want people getting excited about pumpkin-flavored everything. And I sure as hell don’t want to hear anyone mention the four-letter word that follows fall: snow.

Can we slow this shit down a little?

So I’m going to spend this Labor Day weekend doing what any reasonable person should do: pretending summer isn’t ending. Get outside. Enjoy the sunshine. Take the car out. Go somewhere. Drink something cold. Eat something unhealthy. Stay up late. Do whatever the hell makes summer feel like summer.

To kick off Labor Day weekend the right way, I’ve put together a huge gallery packed with automotive goodness from the Route 66 Car Show in Berwyn, Illinois. There are classics, customs, hot rods, and plenty of other four-wheeled eye candy to keep any gearhead happy. And because I never like to make things too classy, you’ll also get the usual double babes and a crap-ton of jokes thrown in for good measure. Kick back, enjoy the holiday weekend, and feast your eyes on all the automotive insanity below!

-keep

It’s Thursday. My girlfriend went to Costco today and found… Christmas stuff!

It’s September. September! We haven’t even gotten through Labor Day yet, Halloween is still many weeks away, and Thanksgiving hasn’t even had a chance to be completely ignored yet!

But apparently Costco has decided we’re skipping directly from summer to Christmas because, fuck it, why not?

Can we please enjoy ONE holiday at a time?

First we get the Christmas stuff in September. Then Halloween gets buried under Christmas decorations. Thanksgiving gets about 11 minutes of recognition before Christmas takes over the entire damn planet. By the time December actually arrives, we’ve already been looking at Christmas shit for three months and I’m ready to punch Frosty in the throat.

IT IS NOT EVEN LABOR DAY YET, COSTCO!

-keep

It’s Wednesday. Holy crap, it’s bitch-ass hot outside and the humidity is absolutely fucking ridiculous. At this point it feels like the entire country is either flooding, melting, or simultaneously doing both. Mother Nature has apparently decided subtlety is overrated and is just cranking the thermostat to “fuck you” while dumping buckets of water on everyone else.

Now, I’m all for hot weather. Give me sunshine, 85 degrees, and a nice summer day and I’m a happy camper. But this combination of extreme heat and humidity is a whole different beast. The temperature might say 90-something, but with that humidity, stepping outside feels like walking directly into a giant, wet oven.

And that’s the problem with this kind of heat. The temperature alone isn’t necessarily the killer; it’s the combination of heat and humidity that makes it so damn oppressive. When the air is already saturated with moisture, your sweat doesn’t evaporate properly, which means your body’s built-in cooling system basically throws its hands in the air and says, “Well, we’re screwed!”

So yeah, I like summer. I like warm weather. I like being outside. But there is a pretty significant difference between “What a beautiful summer day!” and “How long can I remain outside before my brain is cooked like a rotisserie chicken?”

-keep