It’s Tuesday. I swear this is the most annoying stage of being sick—the “almost human but not quite” phase. I’m doing better, but I’m also not magically cured. My stomach is still suspicious of everything I eat and my body keeps acting like it’s running on Windows 95—lots of lag, random error messages, and the occasional need to reboot. I’m well enough to complain, but not well enough to stop complaining.
I think I’ve cracked the case. A sharp-eyed reader sent me the photo on the right, and it hit me—I’m clearly suffering from a dangerous deficiency of candy corn. It’s been nearly a year since my last dose, so to be safe, I grabbed a bag and have officially begun self-medicating!
-keep
Keep,
For those long days before Halloween.
Steve
It’s Monday. Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today to mourn the loss of my once-trustworthy digestive system. My stomach, once a healthy champion that bravely took on tacos and questionable seafood, has betrayed me. One microscopic germ waltzes in and suddenly I’m doubled over like I’ve been hit with an invisible crowbar. It felt like my insides were trying to tie themselves into balloon animals. I couldn’t sit still, I couldn’t sleep, and every position feels like your body’s laughing at you for even trying. And the best part, nothing helps. All this fun started Friday and didn’t relent until Sunday night. That was basically my whole weekend. All I care about now is getting a full night of solid sleep without intestinal interruptions. Such a waste of a weekend.
Normal As Normal
I woke up this morning feeling like myself again. It took a few days, but I think I’m finally back to “normal.” And what exactly is normal? Let’s see—my appetite has returned, my energy has returned, and most importantly, my will to live has returned. I owe it all to the miraculous healing powers of candy corn!
-keep