It’s Wednesday. If you’ve ever owned a cat then you know. You know exactly what they’re like and they’re unlike any other pet. They’re equipped with four sets of tiny sharpened retractable blades, affectionately known as murder mittens. They get into your stuff. This can not be overstated enough. They will destroy your stuff, seemingly for no other reason than they can. What you feed them one day can be completely rejected the next. They’re awake when you are not—and they will let you know often. When seemingly at rest, they can spontaneously erupt into a flurry of activity. They kill anything smaller than themselves that moves—and then bring it back into the house to disembowel it directly in front of you. They decide when and where you my pet them. They bite, often—and generally without warning or provocation.

If you can get past all of this, then cats are for you.

-keep (Previous cat owner)